The sun woke me in all of its brilliance.
The room seemed to glow with all the radiance that the sun bestowed upon it and it was here that I remembered that I wasn’t in my room at all.
I rolled onto my back and sat up, feeling the blanket slip off my chest and pool in my lap. It felt like velvet against my skin.
The windows here did not make up a wall like they did in his room. There were three large ones, all of them arched, looking like something out of an old English house. The drapes here were made of the same material as the ones in the lounge but they looked gold in colour and hung on either end of the wall. Behind them, were lace, white curtains, letting in the light. To my left was a bank of doors, one of them leading to the en suite bathroom and the other three were for a closet and some drawers.
Next to the bedroom door was a vanity mirror with a dressing table and matching bench. There was nothing on the table.
He’d shown me all of this last night when we’d retired to sleep and I learnt that each room had its own air conditioner and on the remote, were controllers for the lights.
This explained how he’d magically gotten the lights to turn back on from his position on the couch when we were in the lounge.
The bathrooms, in my opinion, were the best parts of the penthouse.
Because the room was so high, the windows were large and wide and clear with blinds made of soft wood.
Along the wall in front of the door, were two sinks with mirrors above them and between them was a tall cup with toothpaste and two unopened toothbrushes and hand wash with hand lotion.
There was a bathtub in the corner of the room, set right into the floor and – I wanted to smile – the tub itself was black, a stark contrast to the white floors. There was a shower cubicle right in the middle of the room, a wide square in the floor. Next to it was a rack with soap and shampoo and a rack meant for a towel. The showerhead was a big circular structure and I was eager to try it out.
The toilet was pretty much the only facility that was designed with privacy in mind, set up in a sensibly-sized cubicle with a waist-high wall.
But what was the point? You could still be seen from within.
There were towel racks and terry cloth robes and toiletries set along the walls.
Next to me, on the bedside dresser, was a fresh pair of sweats and another shirt.
And my clean underwear.
I giggled and removed myself from the bed and used the toilet.
After that, I engaged with the shower, which had a faucet hanging from the ceiling.
I kept my hair out of the spray, wearing a shower cap and I wished I could enjoy my shower without it.
I was in there for fifteen minutes simply enjoying the heat and the pressure and I wondered what he’d meant when he said that the taps were iffy.
Maybe he was a bathtub kind of man.
He wasn’t downstairs when I went looking for him and I wondered if he was still sleeping.
I was just about to head back upstairs when he appeared in the front of the penthouse. He wore the same black gear he’d been in yesterday, but it was all made darker by the sweat on his body. He smiled through his heavy breathing and maybe he passed a greeting, but I couldn’t hear him.
I watched him jog up the stairs and disappear into his room.
And I laughed to myself.
So, that had happened.
This was happening.
I moved to the kitchen, wondering if I should make us something to eat.
But I didn’t know what he liked.
Maybe a little small talk was required.
My phone was ringing – I could hear it even from here.
I took the stairs two at a time and reached my phone before it stopped ringing.
I groaned to myself but answered the phone.
She was silent and so was I.
I sat down on the bed, glaring ahead.
I was not going to speak. She was the one who had called me.
“For being a bitch,” she said. “To you and your boyfriend.”
I almost wanted to snarl at her for even coming near me with this.
“Was that necessary?” I asked, anger laced within every syllable.
She was quiet for a moment. “It wasn’t.”
“So then why’d you –”
“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know…”
She swore in the background. “I thought you wanted this like I did –”
“I did – I mean – I do…” I cut across her. I closed my eyes tight then at the sudden admission. “I just want him more.”
“No,” she said. “I mean – you do? Want this?”
“He doesn’t have to know.”
“But I would know,” I said, more to myself than to her. “I would know!”
I would know it like the memory of the first time it happened.
I could still hear the sounds of our lips as we’d kissed each other; the breaths we took in between.
The sound of her voice when she’d moaned against me, how husky it was when she spoke to me; the weight of her body on top of mine – the burning desire to fuck her right there.
“You know why it’s just not…”
“I know,” she said. But there was no sincerity in her voice and I wondered how I felt about that.
Did it bug me that I knew that she was the kind of person who wouldn’t just quit?
Did I want her to kiss me again?
“I’ll see you on Monday.”
The call was cut and I sat there, listening to nothing.
It was here that I started wondering about old questions that I seemed to have gotten the answers to. Maybe I was into girls and I was only just now realizing it.
Maybe that was why I’d been single for so long and not brave enough to get up and engage with the guys on that kind of level – because I didn’t want to.
I headed downstairs, lost in my mind again.
I wandered into the kitchen, stuffing my phone in my pocket, thinking about the call.
I was so caught up in myself that I didn’t realize that Dom was there until he put himself in my sightline.
“Where were you?” he asked.
I shook myself out of my own mind and focussed on him. “In my head…”
“How was your run?”
“It was great,” he said. “You should join me some time.”
“Sure,” I said.
We had muesli and yogurt for breakfast, after which he suggested we take our lunch at a restaurant nearby.
“I just have some spreadsheets to go over and then we can talk a little bit.”
“That sounds ominous,” I chuckled.
He smiled wryly at me. “I told you, I want to get to know you better.”
He dropped a kiss on my forehead and headed to his little study to work.
I went upstairs to the guest room and pulled out the journal that Kay had given me.
Simply looking at it made me feel things I wasn’t quite ready to admit to myself as I remembered the night she’d given it to me.
I pulled out my pen and sat down on the bed, leaning against the bed board.
For a few minutes, I stared at the first blank page.
How did one exactly start writing a Fantasy Journal?
Was it like a regular journal, only it was full of lies?
It turned out that I needed no guidance, I just went with it.
With each word that I put down, the burning desire grew stronger and stronger inside me. I could feel the moisture between my thighs, how slippery it all felt when I moved.
In my mind, the memory was distorted.
I never stopped Kay when she let her fingers roam lower over my ass.
In my mind, she pulled my jeans off and dropped them on the floor and then she helped me out of my panties and my shirt and my bra. I was completely naked before her and she remained fully clothed. She parted my thighs and wasted no time slipping further down the bed and lying on her belly before me – and she put her mouth on my clit and licked me until I was a burning mass of flesh, pliant under her expert control.
In my mind, she slipped two fingers inside me and worked them back and forth and in and out as I grinded against her hand, working up a steady rhythm. She licked my breasts and suckled them until my nipples were so hard that it hurt –
I put the journal down, gazing down at my own words, my hands trembling.
I could hear him coming up the stairs and I scrambled to put my journal away before laying down on the bed, trying to look as normal as possible.
He knocked twice and then entered.
I didn’t look at him, pretending to be coming out of sleep.
He approached the bed slowly and then dropped down beside me.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Just after eleven,” he said. “Do you still want to go out?”
I looked up into his eyes.
He nodded his head. “Good. I’ll order in.”
He pulled out his phone and set to work doing as he’d just said.
I lay there, staring at him as he spoke into the phone in calm, business-like tones. He had ordered from a Thai restaurant that I recognized and I was glad for it.
When he was done, he looked at me.
“Do you drink?”
“Once every blue moon.”
“Have you ever had wine?”
I shook my head. “That’s more my dad’s domain,” I told him. “I wouldn’t know how to pick them.”
He laughed at that.
“I like my Thai with wine. We can share some if you want.”
I smiled at him – I liked how he asked me first.
“Yeah… That would be awesome…” I told him.
He tucked a wayward braid behind my ear.
“What’s your favourite colour?” he asked.
“I don’t have one,” I told him honestly. “I’m not one for the girly colours though, I’ll tell you that!”
He smiled at this. “I thought as much.”
“Like grass? Lime?”
He laughed, a twinkle in his eyes. “Like evergreen trees.”
I rolled onto my side so I could look at him properly. “I see in lots of pictures that there’s green in some parts of Ireland, green trees and vegetation.”
He lifted my hand and gave it a kiss. “That’s the one. Food?”
“Big one? Chocolate. But specifically, nothing. I like – flavour, in general,” I said. “Like at the cinema. Popcorn with buttered salt and cream cheese and chives with Coke. The way it all tastes at once.”
He nodded his head. “I get it. Same here. Food is life!”
“Food is life,” I agreed with a smile. “But I don’t like peanuts in anything except peanut butter.”
“Actually, scratch that. Almonds in that Magnum, the white one. Cashews, roasted and salted. All the other nuts, no.”
“All of them? You sure?”
It took me a moment to get his meaning.
I burst out laughing, rolling onto my back. He laughed right along with me.
“I’ve never – encountered that particular one, no…”
His eyes narrowed slightly as he focused on me. He hadn’t moved, but it felt to me like I was much closer to him than I had been a moment ago.
“Could you be persuaded?” he asked, his voice almost hypnotic.
His eyes dropped to my lips and I tucked them away, knowing exactly what he was thinking about. And now I was thinking about it too.
I giggled against my will.
Would I ever do that?
I covered my face and he laughed. “Okay,” he said. “Next question.”
It took a moment, but I recovered.
“You told me about your music tastes. I’m kind of the same, but I gravitate toward rock music more. Not the hard core stuff though.”
He nodded his head.
“Besides the obvious, what’s a nonstarter for you?” he asked.
“Nonstarter?” I repeated.
“The one thing you won’t ever do or allow,” he said.
I was ready to answer him.
The words were almost automatic.
But then I remembered the Fantasy Journal and I remembered Kitso.
“I don’t think I have an answer to that one anymore…” I said. “I mean – there’s all the scary shit that any sane person would never allow like violence and cheating and willfully transmitting pathological diseases but other stuff…”
“Other stuff like what?”
Again, his eyes dropped to my lips and I found my core twitching in response. I had forgotten for a little bit that I was aroused, but now, I was beginning to burn again.
“I…” I breathed. “I think I’d have to play it by ear…”
He nodded his head.
“Ask me first before you do anything… Anything different…” I clarified.
The atmosphere had shifted and I could see that he felt it too –
The doorbell rang and we snapped out of it.
It was the food.
I let out my breath slowly and then rose with him.
Lunch was noodles and veggies and sauce and red wine.
We both had one glass each and the flavour was like nothing I’d ever had before. I wanted more and when I said as much, he seemed joyful at the prospect of obliging me.
“This will be our thing then,” he said. “Thai and wine on Saturdays if we’re free.”
“Works for me,” I said.
As he cleared the things away, I realized how what he’d just said was like a promise for a future. I smiled in delight.
The wine was somewhat diluted by the food, but it still had me wanting to lie down. I headed for the stairs just as he exited the kitchen and he followed me back to the bedroom and stretched out beside me like before.
“You said I should ask first…”
I looked at him and he looked at me.
“With my words?” he asked.
His voice reminded me of the way the wine went down in my throat. It was smooth and warm and intoxicating and it went right to my head.
“Is there any other way?” I asked quietly.
He moved his hand slowly across the little space between us and placed it flat on my abdomen. I looked from it to him and back again.
Slowly, he went lower and lower until he reached the waistband of my pants.
I rolled over to face him, pulling his hand away from my crotch and up to my mouth where I kissed his knuckles.
I was sure that my panties were soaked through by now.
He nodded his head in understanding.
“How far is too far for you?” he asked.
His breathing was even and steady, but mine was erratic and loud to my ears.
“How far… Would you go?” I asked.
It dawned on me that he hadn’t outright said that he was a virgin.
He obviously wasn’t.
Somehow, that thrilled me.
“How honest do you want me to be?” he asked, the accent returning.
I swallowed hard. “As true as you can be…”
“I want to put you in my mouth. Taste you.”
I squeezed my legs tight, feeling the pressure build deep inside me.
I groaned at the ache and he took a deep breath.
“How far is too far…” he asked again.
Now I was thinking about him between my legs instead of Kitso. I could almost see his big hands curled around my thighs, keeping me flat on the bed while he fucked me with his fingers and his mouth –
I rose up above him and all but crashed right into him, craving the feel of his lips on mine. He responded with equal fervour, taking my thighs apart so that I straddled him.
He gripped my bottom and squeezed generously, clamping me down against his crotch.
He rolled us both over so that he was on top of me, never breaking the kiss.
He was heavy and it was a little hard to breathe but I liked it.
He left my lips and moved to my throat. I dug my fingers into his flesh through his shirt and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
I squeezed my eyes shut when he nipped at my skin, groaning deep in my chest at the sudden burst of pleasure. He went lower still, kissing the tops of my breasts before coming back up to my lips again.
He shifted his position and the hard, hard denim pushed against the soft cotton of my pants, right up against my clit and I arched right off the bed, my mouth wide open, the explosion unlike anything I had ever felt before.
I heard him laugh in the background of my mind before he completely claimed my open mouth, kissing me with tongue.
Dammit, I liked it.
He sucked on my lip and I almost wanted to cry with the sensation I felt down below. It was like he had his lips on me right there.
When he released me, he rolled onto his side and I clung to him as best I could, not wanting to break the contact.
I looked up at him, seeing the fire in his eyes as he looked back at me.
“Are you okay?” I breathed.
He frowned at me and I shook my head, gazing down at his hand as I held it, picturing it disappearing beyond the waistband of my pants.
“I mean – it’s easier for a girl to get up and walk away like nothing happened. But for a guy – isn’t it painful?”
He smiled wolfishly. And then the smile vanished. “Isn’t what painful?”
I bit my lip. “You know…”
“I don’t know.”
He lay on his back, never taking his eyes off of me.
I rose up on my elbow, looking at him. And then I reached out and placed my hand directly over his crotch.
I swear I felt something twitch under my palm – and I could feel how his shaft snaked upward and to the side of his thigh –
He groaned, the sound primal.
I snapped out of my mind when his large hand curled around my wrist.
I snatched my hand back, covering my mouth as my lips began to tremble.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped, sitting up quickly, my eyes wide in my face as I looked at him.
“I don’t know why I did that! I’m sorry!”
“It’s fine,” he said. “I can handle it.”
I covered my face, shocked at his words.
He remained where he was and I shivered at the feel of his hand on my hip.
I gazed down at him hesitantly but I obliged eventually, curling up against him.
He wrapped his arm around me and gazed up at the ceiling.
“It’s not just about me…” I said into the silence. “If it gets too much for you, just let me know.”
“And you’ll what?”
He was hovering over me now.
“Look different? Sound different?” he grumbled. “Become someone else?”
He lowered his head and nipped at my lips. I lifted my head, inviting him in and he kissed me, long and slow. I felt like I was shaking deep inside my body and my clit tingled between my legs, a fresh layer of moisture pooling there again.
“I can handle it…” he said into my mouth. And then he kissed me again, one last time, before he lay back down, taking me with him.