I was angry at her.
I was so fucking angry at her!
All I had to do was look at her face, see the remorse there, and I was done.
I didn’t want to hear her speeches and her apologies because I knew that simply hearing her speak and thinking about what she’d done would make me angrier and make her feel even worse.
I didn’t want her to remember this day for anything but joy and pleasure and I thought maybe I had accomplished that. It was entirely selfish on my part, but it was clear that she had given herself over, completely, to the moment.
I liked how she was when she rose up and took what she wanted.
A part of me was ready to blow just reliving the entire experience in my mind – both times.
I could still remember her deep breathing against my hand; so deep that I felt her muscles stretch over her ribcage, her tummy going completely flat against her spine.
I liked her curiosity; how she wanted to see it all happen and I even wondered if she’d ever let me record us while we loved each other like this.
This didn’t feel like anything I had ever felt before.
She didn’t feel like anything I had ever felt before.
She’d asked me once if this was all too much for me, pleasuring her while I appeared to receive nothing for all my efforts. I wasn’t about to make this reciprocal if it wasn’t something that she was ready to do and if I was honest with myself, that would put both of us in danger of wrecking her vow and I didn’t want to do that to her.
Earlier on in the day, having her that close to me had hit me like thunder – I’d become instantly hard and for all my attempts, I couldn’t keep my fucking cool any longer.
She had no idea of this, but I’d had to masturbate three times to calm my storm before I could face her again. Taking that unnecessary drive down to the store had not helped matters at all because there she was in those damn jeans that fit her snug and I was ready to take her right there on the floor in the middle of the store.
Part of it was a lie, what I’d said.
The truth was, I was thinking about her touching herself when I had been touching myself and all the way over to the store and back. She looked so sorry and broken up about what had happened with Kay, and I thought relaxing her would take that all away. I just wanted to set her mind at ease.
And all of that had escalated very quickly when I had her in my lap like that.
And then she’d obliged and touched herself because I’d asked her to.
I wondered what went through her mind on any given day about any given thing. She claimed to be quiet and introverted but – this? This?!
What the fuck was with this girl?
What did she have that made me behave like a horny teenage boy, losing all my shit and dropping at her feet like she was –
But she was a goddess to be worshiped.
I’d considered it, going on my knees and taking her that way –
What was wrong with me?
I thirsted for her in ways that frightened me. Was this an obsession? Was it because she was a virgin and I wanted to be her first? Was she right to say what she’d said that day?
Time and miles and her indiscretions weren’t stopping me from wanting her near me.
I’d only known her months, but I had kept her with me for years.
I had kept her name, her face and her voice with me from the moment that I encountered them all and when I’d seen her there in the flesh, I thought I’d been hallucinating. I’d nearly gotten into an accident on the way home that day, the way my focus was shot.
And then there she was again, simply sitting there at that bus stop one random day.
I could not resist – I had to meet her.
And she let me…
I was called back to the present when she rolled over, leaving her hair in total disarray under her face. Gently, I moved it all for her while she slept on and then I turned out the lights and lay before her. The sun hadn’t really begun to set, but I’d pulled the drapes over the windows and the room was now in darkness. Her fingers were still damp and sticky from her juices and I almost wanted to take them into my mouth just to see how she tasted today, but I didn’t want to wake her.
She smelt so fucking good either way.
I knew it then like I knew it now.
I was fucked.